3.13.2014

Just Wait 'Til...

No cutesy intro. Let's just talk.

I read this post by Kate at The Small Things last night and it resonated with me on so very many levels. An excerpt:


If you are a parent it is no news to you that people will steal your beaming joy about a long nap or an evening of no fussing by telling you to "just wait" or "yeah, give it two more weeks and everything will be different. She'll never sleep again."

Sometimes, I think that's their way of trying to relate to you by sharing their experience with the same thing, that ultimately didn't go as well as you hope. The pessimism would temporarily get me down but I figured out how to push through it and not let it get to me. I preferred the "ignorant bliss" of hoping, just hoping, that the toughest night was behind me. 

But, like I mentioned before, I feel emotionally stronger and am more resilient than I was even a few short weeks ago. I have found joy in parenting, and am even more thankful than ever that God gave Justin and I this gift.

....................................

Amen, sister. A-freaking-men.

Just like her, the thing I get most tired of hearing as a new mom is "just wait until..." This is for a couple reasons:

1) I feel like veterans moms and dads sometimes like to scare the ever-loving wits out of new parents just because they can.

2) It has such a negative connotation. Example: "Oh, you just wait until they start crawling. You'll just think you were tired before!"And while I'm sure that some of this is just anecdotal, it eats at a new mom who is trying her hardest to deal with the here and now, while ENJOYING the presence of her child.


My best example of this is something that happened to us at Christmas. We had taken Caroline to get a photo with Santa at our local shopping center. Several people in line commented on how mellow and calm she was, when suddenly, a father standing with two boys says, "Yeah, well just wait until next year when she can talk and walk. They turn into brats then."

Couple things, dear sir. For starters, my child isn't yours. Maybe she will be more difficult next year, it's quite possible. Maybe she won't be. But you don't get to determine her fate, now do you?

Also, how lovely that you refer to your own children, right in front of their faces, as "brats".

Another example: we were shopping in Dillard's with the baby at New Year's and she was smiling and cooing at people in line. A mom of a toddler boy said, "Enjoy it now. He," she points to her son, "was all smiles last year at this time when he was about her age, but I'd rather eat glass than spend a day out with this kid now." Now, I'm sure she didn't really think about the words she was using in reference to spending time with her son, but it ran all over me.

Do I naively believe that life will be all daisies and sunshine with a baby? Um, no.

For the love of Pampers, there are hard, HARD, days NOW.

I've been peed on, pooped on, thrown up on, been up all night with a sick baby, had days where eating and showering didn't happen.

And of course there are new challenges as she gets older. But that's the thing. They are NEW. There were other challenges, different ones, when she was a newborn. Those have since gone away and been replaced by new ones as she is developing into her own little person.

So anyway, all that to say, let's be positive about our children. Better yet, let's help build up other new parents. Support each other. Be a rock (a positive one) for another parent. (My sister-in-law is one of the BEST lifter-uppers I have in my life.) Remind others of how each day spent with their child is a precious one and how they have much to look foward to.

Just one new mom's thoughts.

30 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness...I couldnt agree more! I hate when I hear "just wait!" Now that my daughter is 18 months, I make sure when talking to new mamas to never, ever say those words to her!

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  2. You are so right Leslie, We need to learn to be more positive, we need to learn to uplift and encourage other people, not just new moms or old moms, just people in general
    You are doing a great job and i am sure your child will never be a brat because it is all in the way they are raised and I think you are doing a pretty darn great job.

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  3. I love this. And even more, I loved that you said for the love of Pampers. haha So great!

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  4. Thank you for this!!! I have a 17 month old who has been an amaaaazing baby, her whole life! I'm having another girl in four weeks and people are constantly saying, "Oh...just wait until you have this one! She'll be polar opposite from Blakely! I'm sure she'll be your wild child!" Quite frankly, I'm sick of it and I'm glad to know I'm not alone!
    People need to be more kind to others, and especially to their own children! I think how children act is a huuuuge reflection on our parenting! I'm sure Caroline will be an amazing child, as she's already proven!!! Chin up, girl!

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  5. I love this! As a mommy of three, I need to remember this daily!

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  6. Thank you for this post- I'm not sure why people want to bring others down.. We all need to be as positive and as uplifting as we can! Ranting and being negative won't get us anywhere good!

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  7. I heard this way too often with my daughter. I can honestly say there are so many amazingly wonderful things about each and every stage that FAR out weigh the struggles, that do also come with every stage. I have said every month of her 3.5 years- this is my favorite stage, yet! Those baby days were hard and full of sleepless nights- but there was absolutely nothing better than the groggy milk-coma snuggles and experiencing so many firsts. At three- we can throw a tantrum like no body's business; but, she also gives hugs with such feeling and looks at me and can say "I love you." I guess in some ways, they are right- just wait- the best just keeps coming!

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  8. I read Kate's post too - and loved it. As a new mom, I am right there with you, sister! I have heard that 'just wait' phrase more times than I can count. I know that people generally mean well, and are just trying to share their own experiences when they say this, but it can definitely be disheartening to mamas who are trying to learn as they go. I hate it because I am trying to enjoy every single second with my precious son, who is growing up way too fast, and don't want to think about what's to come next. I just want to be present in every moment. As a side note: Did you know that brands like Circo and Little Me don't make onesies or footie pjs past 9 months? I just realized this, and it broke my heart!!!! Time goes by so fast!

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  9. You and Kate both absolutely nailed it! In general I wish there was a lot more of people just minding their own business! Everyone has unique experiences in life, to include parenting. Why take the joy from someone else, even if only for a second.

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  10. I have a 3.5 year old who is a great, easy-going child. I'm currently pregnant with our second baby and all I hear is "oh, you just wait until this one comes along, you're in for it." Of course, they could be right. And obviously the children will have different personalities. But, in the end, they will be raised under the same roof with the same set of rules and boundaries. I get really tired of hearing everyone saying that the second one will be 'worse' - it's like setting them up for failure, which I do NOT appreciate. Thankfully, like you, I have a great friend who is the BEST encourager. She has three little girls and reassures me that although each child and each stage presents it's own set of challenges, that doesn't mean it has to be negative! Great post!

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  11. Well done! I hear this a lot - I'm not a parent but I see and hear other friends who are parents say things like this all the time... my comments are of course "Wait until you have some of your own!" Like I'm going to create a small village with my Hoo Ha right? I always said I'll start with one and go from there, and I believe that. Literally NO ONE knows what you as a parent, or your darling is as a baby but the two of you and your hubby. Together you're your own family unit, no one else changes that or dictates how it will all turn out :)

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  12. Great post, Leslie.

    I'm not a mother or mother to be, yet, but I feel the same thing about being married and a newlywed. I can't tell you HOW many people told me, upon hearing that I was engaged say "wow, you're excited now, wait for the next few years". Or "Are you sure you wanna do that? hahaha just kidding". And I personally found it so revolting and rude.

    Do I believe every day of marriage will be butterflies, bliss and love? No. Marriage is hard work and I've only been married six months. But, it's such an amazing journey and I've experienced more loved in the past six months than I ever dreamed possible. I've made it my mission to speak exceptionally high of marriage to newlyweds and only talk about the joy that is engagement and being a wife.

    And while I don't have the experience of a mother in any capacity, I am the friend that exclaims joyfully about every story and says, "I Can only imagine" to every scenario. So cheers to you, sweet mama! Keep on doing what you're doing.

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  13. I couldn't have said it better myself! And I make a concerted effort to never tell a new parent any of those things because I now know how it comes across. One thing I do say is to soak it all in because it goes by too FAST!

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  14. OMG, the Dillard's story is horrible. Why would any mother ever say that about their child.

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  15. This. Just this. I HATE this and get so aggravated when people make these comments, I've been known to pipe back with my own 2 cents before but really?? Just because you're situation was one way doesn't mean mine will be. Gaw!

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  16. YES!!! Amen, girl! Each stage will always have challenges as well as great joy. This irks me along with when I catch myself thinking that I can't wait until...(fill in the blank). I try so very hard to cherish every stage and season along with encouraging new moms that while there are days that will be flat out hard... every smile, laugh, and kiss from your precious babe will far outweigh those trying moments. And for those individuals you mentioned above, I pray their children had no idea what their parents were saying. How awful!

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  17. You are so right about everything. My kids are teenagers. My daughter is getting ready to graduate in the spring and my son is a freshman and we are having normal everyday teenage challenges. I work with three young moms/mom-to-be and I have realized I really do watch what I say. One mom-to-be is expecting her first after a lot of heartbreak in trying to conceive and I would never want to say something to make her think being a parent was a "horrid" thing and babies turn into brats, because every child is a gift. Every stage has it's challenges but gosh the great and exciting things outweigh any of the challenges you may come across. And if you have healthy children you begin to realize what a blessing that is when some parents are going through true challenges with their children. It's by the grace of God any of us survived childhood with our parents, too, probably.

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  18. Girl, I feel your pain! My husband and I are expecting our first child in June and we hear this "Debbie Downer" nonsense all the time! I've heard, "well, you better enjoy ____ now, because that WON'T be happening after this kid is born" about 1,000 times. I want to say to these people that I am almost 34 and my husband just turned 38...we KNOW things are going to change in our lives...and guess what? We're READY for that change! Another thing that gets to me is when people say, "Oh, I'll just go ahead and tell you...the first month of that kids life will be terrible!" Really? Call me crazy, but while having a newborn will, I'm sure, be HARD, I really, really, really hope "terrible" isn't the word I would use to describe it! I mean, for starters, we will have created a human being...and that is far from terrible in my eyes! Sorry! Just had to share my own little rants! Thanks for posting!

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  19. Just wait 'til the first Mother's Day that she makes you a hand-made card with her tiny fingers and tells you how much she loves you.

    Just wait 'til you see her graduate, how proud you'll be! Not to mention, how happy it will make her to know you're sitting there (in the blazing freakin' hot sun) watching her with a big grin on your face as they call her name.

    Just wait 'til you can go out for lunch with her and enjoy a shopping trip with her!

    This, of course, is coming from someone who has no kids... easy for me to say, right? Haha, and I am so sure I made my mom's life so difficult growing up. We both have so many amazing memories, though, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will form just as many incredible memories with your own daughter! We're always reminiscing about the good times and laughing about the harder times.

    You just wait... because even though raising a kid isn't all rainbows and butterflies, and there will be hard times, the best has yet to come! You're going to be an amazing mother, I know it!

    x Jenna @ maybe lately

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  20. Yes, so true. I have an almost 3 year old and a 3 month old (both boys). Each stage is equally challenging in it's own way. I always say to my husband that just as something that was SO hard becomes easier, there's something else that comes around that's equally just as hard (but different). And I think that some kids are harder in different stages. Our son was a nightmare as a newborn but was an angel at 2 (3 is a different story:). And now are 3 month old was/is an angel as a newborn. Who knows!! Every stage is hard but amazing at the same time.

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  21. Oh my gosh, THANK YOU, because please, I need you to tell me parenting is worth it! I'm almost 27, my husband is 30, and we've both got baby fever. We are holding off for the moment because we do want to spend a bit more time together before we have kids, but LAW the things people tell me to talk me out of it! "just you wait until they are teenagers," and "you'll never get to spend time together alone." I mean, I get it, life is going to change drastically, but the way people talk, it's like they are trying to talk us out of children all together!

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  22. I'm so glad I'm not the only that thinks this. My due date is tomorrow and Lord help me if I hear one more person say "just wait!" I get that this journey is going to be a tough one... obviously because I knew what I was signing up for when my husband and I made the decision to have a baby. All I hear from friends/family is the hardships surrounding parenthood, and I get that it's tough. But every child and experience is a blessing! I truly believe in my heart that every smile, giggle, and hug I receive from my baby girl will far outweigh "never sleeping again."

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  23. I agree 110%! It's always sad to me when I have these run ins, especially with strangers. It often leaves me speechless! Later I will think of positive responses I could have said, possibly brightening their day/outlook. I try to view motherhood as a marathon, much like labor, you go into it with hopes, fears, expectations and the understanding that not everything will go as you plan. But you must embrace it, the good and bad, to make it to the finish line. In parenting your job never truly ends. For me finding a balance of the highs and lows and ultimately providing a loving environment for my son is my "finish line"! Life in general is what you make of it! Kudos for staying positive in a world constantly trying to bring everyone down!!

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  24. I totally agree with this post! Being pregnant, I've had so many people say--just wait til you get to 30 weeks...or 35 weeks...and your back is killing you and you feel so ugly. Let me just enjoy this pregnancy because it only happens once with each child! Thanks for posting-so uplifting to just ignore those comments and be thankful for each season of your life!

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  25. I learned this WITHOUT being a new mom. My boyfriends sisters' son is two and a half years old now... their first child. He is an absolute JOY! Smart, healthy, and very active. People are always saying negative things about different stages of life but she just says "I love every part of being there with my son as he grows." And if she goes in to detail, it's about his positive traits. Why exploit a 2 year old and talk about things that don't need to be brought up? Like you said, it's not all roses, but there is no reason to be negative about raising a human being. Great post!

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  26. Yes! My goodness yes! When my kids were 2, we called them the terrific twos, bc I hated everyone saying "terrible twos". I loved age two! And now that mine are teens, I LOVE it! They are so fun and we have great talks.

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  27. Yes! Yes! Yes! My children are the greatest gift I've ever been given. I take so much pride in being their mother it's the biggest blessing ever. My life started when my oldest was born. As a single parent of two boys ages 11 months and 5 years, it's never easy but it's so worth it. I can't stand to hear mothers out down their children or talk about how much they HATE (strong word) being a mom sometimes bc they have no time for them. Pure selfishness! Should I lose who I am completely? No. I just become a different, better version of who I was.. I become a mom, which I believe is my highest calling.

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  28. I honestly think its gotten easier the older our son has gotten...we feel much more confident as parents!

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  29. That's so awful that parents would say things like that. I can only imagine that their children will grow up to be as unpleasant as they are with that kind of environment. I am sure you will have challenges but a positive outlook will definitely make a difference.
    www.crystalcattle.com

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  30. I loved this post! My husband and I have been married for 3 years and everyone is asking when we will start having children. So many people say....Just wait till you have kids, no more sleeping in on the weekends. Just wait till you have kids, you won't be able to have date night with your husband. Just wait till you have kids, you won't have a clean house and homemade dinners. I hate it! They don't know how me and my husband run our household or how things will be and scaring me isn't the way to go.

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