2.17.2012

My Milkshake



....This post is dedicated to my sisters with tiny "assets", just like me. May we learn to work with what we've got (or rather don't "got") or find a good plastic surgeon....

It's no secret. My cups do not runneth over.

The good Lord blessed me with an exceptionally steady hand for applying mascara, an endless amount of sarcasm and an uncanny ability to poof hair.

But give me boobies, he did not.

However, my small assets recently became the center of attention at the Pinnacle Hills Promenade Victoria's Secret store. That fateful winter's day would forever change my life.

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Before the story, I wanted to say a few positive things about we ladies with itty bitty...you know. So, to make all of the girls in the IBT club feel better, I decided to make a list of pros to having smaller boobies:

1. We can go bra-less with those backless dresses.
2. Runway models are rarely bigger than an A cup.
3. In Europe, it's said men prefer smaller chested women. (I'm not sure I buy this, but I'd love to meet this blind, European man they speak of.)
4.  It's unlikely that we'd be the one killed in the horror movie, such as in a shower scene, because that never happens to ladies with small boobs. 


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This all leads up to the story I'm going to tell you now:

There was recently a mortifying moment that I forgot to tell y'all about, which happened a couple weeks ago. And because I am shameless and will make a joke or tell an embarrassing story at my own expense, here goes:

I was in Victoria's Secret the other day (this was before I discovered the gem also known as the Target lingerie department) and asked the sales associate if they had any more bras in a particular color.

"Any more in the bright yellow?", I ask her.

(Why yellow? Why NOT? Life is short. Wear colorful undergarments.)

"We might have some in the back," she replies.

Then she asks my size.

I tell her.

She analyzes my chest with a discerning look on her face. The face of somebody who has seen her share of boobs. The good, the bad and the just plain unsightly.

(Now....wait for it...)

She literally YELLS to the other associate on the other side of the room, "Do we have any more of the tiny ones in yellow??!!"

(There were approximately 12 people standing within earshot, whose eyes quickly made their way to my bosom.)

And then I die.

Right there between the bustiers and the cardboard cut-out of Adriana Lima.

(I think even Adriana felt bad for me at that point. "Awww, poor small-chested Amer-eee-can girl! If only I could share my beeeg, Brazilian ta-tas with you...")

And then I come back to life, I gather my thoughts, look the sales associate square in her poorly made-over face (she obvi hadn't had a foundation match in a long time) and say the first thing that pops into my mind:

"Yes. My milkshake must bring all the boys to the yard, cuz it sure ain't "the twins".

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And in case you aren't familiar with the classic melody from which the above quip is derived, allow me to introduce you to Kelis here. I'd embed the video, but Kelis wasn't feeling like wearing day-time appropriate clothing today. And my grandma reads this blog.

You see, Kelis wrote a whole song about why sisters with tiny ta-ta-ta's should use their derrieres to woo men if they aren't blessed "up top". And I couldn't agree more.

Her basic philosophy is, shake what your mama gave ya.

And shake, Kelis does.

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From Kelis, Adriana Lima and myself, we wish you a very happy weekend. You, and your "girls".

Be blessed, lovelies-

48 comments:

  1. I am a proud member of the IBTC and when I went bra shopping at a local Dallas store the woman looked me over after I told her my size and said "You may actually need a training bra" Le sigh

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  2. Holy cow I love you for telling this story. And for making that comment.

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  3. OH MY GOSH. This is hilarious! LOVE IT! :) Happy Friday!!

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  4. Bahahahahaha!!! I'm dying. Oh my gosh, you were way nicer to that poor girl than I would have been!! You go girl!

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  5. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes ma'am! Milkshakes unite!!!

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  6. What a fun, sassy post! It made my day! xo

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  7. Love, love, love, love, love. And love some more. Too funny.

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  8. You go girl! Way to show 'em! I have to say, I was not blessed in that department either, but I sure as heck would rather have them too small than too large :)

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  9. What a great story to share for years to come about the VS employee who obviously missed a day of training at some point! ha ha ha
    I'm an A cup, will always be an A cup, and I prefer it that way. Honestly, life is easier and more convenient, IMO, for girls will a smaller cup size. Unless you're like, a VS model or something...

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  10. You make me laugh so hard and I love it! I am too a member and its ok, I once went to VS and the lady told me "honey, just don't waste your money on bra, you don't need it" YAY for going braless and wearing those backless dresses!

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  11. Haha funny story! I am solidly on the other side of the spectrum, but I wish I was smaller for the reasons you state (cute backless dresses and I will never be friends). It seems like everyone always wants what they don't have, so good for you for being happy with your body the way it is.

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  12. One of the first times I ever bought a bra from VS, I obvi had to get measured. I was luckily with a friend.

    So the lady measured me, looked at my boobs, looked back at my face, and said, "you're a size...32...B". She promptly sent me to the dressing room with 32B bras, and hilarity ensued. My cups actually doubled over, and so did my friend and I, in laughter.

    My friend got ANOTHER sales associate, and said to her "is this bra SUPPOSED to fit like this?" to which she laughed, shook her head, and brought me the correct bra size.

    VS associates are hit or miss...they're either nice, or just plain not.

    And I may not be a part of the IBT Committee, but I'm sure jealous of your milkshake!! Cause mine would NOT "bring all the boys to the yard". ;)

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  13. Aimee, This story made MY day. I am so glad I'm not the only one that's had a bad V.S. experience, haha!

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  14. LOVE! To all the small-busted out there, we love our tiny bras (only wish they came with a tiny price tag)

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  15. I am proudly a member of this club. There are times when I wish that I was more blessed like my sisters, but you did point out some great benefits of being small chested. Love this story. Happy Friday!

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  16. Haha, glad to hear it, Leslie!! ;)

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  17. haha I love this. My cups as well do NOT runneth over. Atleast I know my boyfriend is not a breast man.... so I don't have to worry about that or he wouldn't have picked me :) And I can rock a backless better than any of my busty friends!

    itsthelittlethingsblog.blogspot.com/

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  18. haha omg that is hilarious! I have been an A cup all my life (minus now because I'm prego) but love your out look on it ;) They do make a knock off miraculous bra at Target i posted on last moth and let me tell you it works wonders if you do decide you want to give the girls a boost xoox

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  19. Yay for bitty boobies, backless dresses and bra-less days :)

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  20. ugh how mean of that girl! It would have taken everything in me to not punch her in the face lol

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  21. Love it! I'm part of the itty bitty titty committee myself but I never wanted big ones. My sister has big ones and she can never find bras and her back hurts. No thank you!! We gotta own it!

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  22. I totally want to be in the IBT club! I am actually trying to become part of it! I HATE my large boobies!!! I am so jealous of the girls in the club! I LOVED your story so funny!

    http://countryrootscityliving.blogspot.com/

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  23. Hahaha! That is awesome!!!! I recently found your blog and can't wait to read more! Bless you girlie and your girls!

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  24. Too fuuny, and fabulous comeback! ;) I understand your feelings as a fellow member of the IBT Club!

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  25. hilarious! and just another reason why i love you! :)
    i WAS in the IBTC but that was PB(pre-baby) now...i only WISH i was still in it. enjoy them while you can! :)

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  26. This story made my day! I laughed so hard. Thank you for sharing it! I can't believe she said that so loud though- or at all! How rude of her!

    Lauren
    http://www.laurensweetnothings.blogspot.com/

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  27. This totally made my day :). I can relate!

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  28. How funny/embarassing/rude! I can totally relate, my sister is a D, and I am barely an A cup. I just wait for the days when I am pregnant and they start to get bigger!! But you know what, small ones aren't that bad, I think its easier to fit in a lot of clothing and you don't have to worry about adjusting yourself so you don't fall out of your clothes :)

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  29. Hysterical! I totally read that one part in Adriana's voice...this is something that would totally happen to myself.

    I, too, am part of the IBT club but am THANKFUL for the bombshell bra. That's where it's at, sister! ;)

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  30. Oh my word! That is rude of the sales chick if you ask me! How embarrassing. I would have turned 8 shades of red!

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  31. "It's no secret. My cups do not runneth over."

    hahahah well from someone who does have big boobs, I can tell you the grass is NOT greener. BOOBS ARE SO ANNOYING. Seriously. I hate having to always wear a bra and it makes wearing many, many, many types of clothing impossible. Don't even get me started on strapless bras for the big chested.

    Shake what your momma gave you girl! I'd trade you any day.

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  32. This is awesome! What a funny story. Thanks for sharing:)

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  33. ha! I can't believe she yelled that out! What the heck! But I love your reaction to her...haha... Sheez.

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  34. How rude of that associate!!! But good for you for taking it all in stride!! I have been blessed but often dream of having a Kate Hudson sized chest for all the reason you speak of!!! {and I'd love to have a button up shirt I didn't have to fix with seam tape or a safety pin}

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  35. hahaha the second I saw the post title I immediately knew it was about boobies and the song popped into my head! Dont worry girlfriend you aren't the only one, and have you seen those bras at target that give you two cup sizes?!

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  36. OMG you crack me up. I would happily share some of my tatas. I'd rather have small ones!!

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  37. this is the best thing i've read in a very long while. and i'll tell ya, being one of those girls on the other end of the spectrum, i am SO JEALOUS you don't have to wear a bra if you don't want to!!! ;)

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  38. This is great! I love that you shared and I forgot all about that song. You are so right about the runway models and given you weigh what a runway model likely weighs (tiny), you would look insane with huge b's. I love that you love what you have, regardless :)

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  39. Hilarious! Sales associates can be so rude sometimes!

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  40. Ha ha ha. Sorry you had to deal with that Victoria Secret gal - but your comeback couldn't have been better!

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  41. Yay for small ones and being proud! ;) Hence the reason why I have yet to buy anything but actual clothes and lotion from VS.
    -Anna
    asweetsouthernmess.blogspot.com

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  42. I love this post! I think you are my new favorite person, lol.

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  43. It must be a Victoria's Secret thing. I went in there one time with my friends to buy a bra "real quick" before we went to a movie. I asked for a bra in what I thought was my size and the girl said "let me measure you to make sure that's right." And measure me she did--about three times before caling someone else over. Girl no. 2 confirmed the measurement. We all left the dressing room area and suddenly I found myself surrounded by 2 sales associates and a manager trying to figure out my actual bra size. "She should be an A according to the measurements, but there's no way that's right, is there? Surey, she's at least a B." Horrified, I excused myself as gracefully as possible and practically ran to the movie. To this day my friends laugh about me and my 36A chest. To give you an idea of how far off they were, that 6 should be a 2 and the letter is WAY off.

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