12.20.2011

Single for the Holidays? This One's for You.

via

I  preface this post with the following:

Single does not translate to Desperate, Depressed or Unhappy, and by no means does this post imply that. In fact, a lot of girls LIKE being single, including myself during that time. Like, seriously loved it. I learned so much about myself; who I was, what I stood for, etc. I learned how to be independent. I bought a car. I took trips with my girlfriends. Summary: I highly recommend spending a few years enjoying yo'self sans boy. 

And if you are single during the holidays, I highly recommend kissing a complete random guy on New Year's Eve, just Because. You. Can.

Not that I ever did that...ever...but it looks fun...from what I've seen on movies and whatnot...because I would definitely not kiss random strangers....

But, for those of you out there who are at the point where you just wish you had a great guy to spend Christmas with, (boyfriend, or otherwise), I know how ya feel. During college and for years after, being single during the holidays was fun! Back then, there were no stupid questions from friends about when I would settle down or when I'd cash in my bikini for a baby bump.

I mean, who asks a 20 year old, "So why haven't you settled down yet?"

But then years passed.

Then it became less cool to be alone during Christmas.

When I was 22, I began dating someone. Three years passed, we were still together. For reasons I'll never care to know, he refused to solidify any kind of commitment with a ring or even a promise of a future together, (and BOY was that a blessing in disguise.) Holiday functions were torture. Not because I wasn't someone's wife, (there's plenty of time for that), but because he flatly refused to go to my family's home for Christmas or (Lord forbid) spend Christmas Eve away from his parent's house, like most grown people do. It became increasingly embarrassing to go to parties and face questions about when he would propose, or even better, WHY he hadn't proposed yet.

Now, let me interject here and say, in the South, if you're not married by the time you've graduated college, there must be something wrong with you. It's getting better, but still, it sucked having to deal with the questions.

This point in my life was agonizing. And embarrassing. And I knew it was time to cut the dead weight.

We parted ways in 2009 and I honestly felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. But then Christmas rolled around...another holiday season spent alone. Attending parties alone. Blah, blee, bloo.

Single can be SO fun....if you have friends who are also single. I (at this point, anyway), did not. Not one single friend. Lemme' tell ya, it ain't fun to be third wheel at every party and get together.

Last year was the first time really EVER that I'd spent my Christmas with a real, legit boyfriend who wanted to spend Christmas at MY house. (This boyfriend, coincidentally, became my fiance one week later.)

And it was amazing.

But this time of year still makes me hurt a little for the single girls out there who DO long for a sweet guy to kiss under the mistletoe. Trust me when I say, I have sooooo been there. It sucks to spend an entire car ride trying to come up with witty comebacks for when your Great Aunt asks, "Why don't you get married?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" "You know, if you want children before your eggs dry up, you need to find a man!", as one older woman asked me one time. For real.

Just know that what you're feeling is legitimate. There's nothing selfish or silly about wanting a male companion with which to spend Christmas Eve. Also, know that your Mr. Right, that amazing man that will one day go to all of your crazy family functions with you and kiss you under mistletoe, is on his way. It may be this year, it may be in a few years. Be patient. God has perfect timing.

I pray daily for the single ladies who are at that point in life where they want to settle down. It's easy to get bummed out, especially during times like the holidays, but please keep your heads up. Just remember that I met Stephen in the most random, unexpected way; likely the way it will happen for you, too : ) It was when I was happy and content with myself. God knew that if I loved myself, I could then love someone else wholly and unconditionally. You'll get there. You'll have your first Christmas as a girlfriend and a fiance and a newlywed.

But if you are solo this Christmas and need some good comebacks when peeps ask why you aren't dating or married, I've personally used all of the following below:

Pestering Friend/Family Member: "So why are you still single (insert name)?"

You: "Jesus was single. I'm just following in his footsteps."

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Pestering Family Member: "I can't figure out why you're not married yet!"

You: "Me neither! But I know why I'm not divorced yet!"

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Pestering Family Member: "Don't you want a spouse?"

You: "Yeah, someday. But I'm really still holding out for that Miss America Title."

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Now this one is a tad snarky, but just in case you need it...

Pestering Family Member: "Why haven't you settled down yet?"

You: "I'm waiting until I get to be your age."

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That's all the witty comebacks I've got, girls! Seriously though, just know that y'all are in my thoughts right now. Keep your pretty, perfectly structured chins up. God is working on someone amazing for you, just wait and see. 

Be blessed, lovelies-

47 comments:

  1. Even more reason to love you and your blog! This post! This single girl thanks you.

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  2. Such a great post. I was just asked by a beautiful, young woman about this. She isn't outgoing and bubbly so she feels like she'll never get a husband. I did encourage her if she was interested in a guy to ask questions, smile a lot, and laugh at his jokes. The #1 thing men like in women is happy, joyful women!

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  3. Thanks for posting this, Leslie! I would love to skip holidays for this very reason!

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  4. Love this post - now I need you to write one on "when will you have kids?" I've only been married for a month and have already had over 25 people ask me...so annoying.

    Merry 1st married Christmas to you and your hubby! xo

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  5. those are hilarious comebacks and unfortunatly at 21 people actually do ask me why i dont have a boyrfriend, fiance etc. But Jesus was single and im waiting for the miss america title is my favorite. And the new years kiss thing, girl i may just get on that now that you put it that way, just becuase i can and i just happen to have plans with a hottie. who says friends cant kiss on new years?

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  6. Hahaha love your comebacks...especially the last one! I'm rocking the singlehood this Christmas for the first time in 3 years so it's a bit weird but I know it's for the best. Guess I've gotta find my random guy to kiss on New Years!! Thanks for sharing pretty girl! :)

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  7. Love this, love your blog, love you. It's so amazing that you pray for the single ladies out there---as one of them, I want to say thanks! And I'm adding a prayer for all of the other ladies to my prayer list as well!

    ~Tiffany
    http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

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  8. haha I love those!! I feel like my family is the opposite, lol they dont want me to have a bf! My parents got married young and I think they just want me to finish college and focus on myself instead of a man, Im lucky!

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  9. Thanks for this post Leslie! A lot of girls forget how it is to be single once they get married!
    New Year's Eve just happens to be my mom's birthday, so I'm always doing family stuff that day! Maybe one day I'll actually get a New Years Eve kiss!

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  10. I really love this post! I am that single girl ready to settle down and longing for my Mr. Right... Thank you for this it was cute!

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  11. Ahh this was very sweet! I've said this before, but your love story gives me hope :) I don't mind the single life but it would be even nicer to have someone to share special moments with!

    XO
    Emmy
    www.sprinklesoneverything.wordpress.com

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  12. Ahh this was very sweet! I've said this before, but your love story gives me hope :) I don't mind the single life but it would be even nicer to have someone to share special moments with!

    XO
    Emmy
    www.sprinklesoneverything.wordpress.com

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  13. Thank you for this...this single lady appreciates all your thoughts and prayers for all of us. I know I have personally been asking Santa for a boyfriend for Christmas. Thanks for the encouragement : )

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  14. bahaha:) those comebacks are hilarious! great post, thanks!

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  15. I wish more women would have the confidence to be okay single. I dated in my twenties, but was also confident that I would meet the right man when I was supposed to. I had so much fun being single during the holidays becasue I was celebrating the holidays, not worrying about my dating life. I usually pray for people to be at peace with their situation in life. It's hard, but you have to trust that there is a bigger, more beautiful plan for you than you think.

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  16. Love, LOVE this post. It made me cry and laugh all at once!

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  17. I love this! & Love that you say a special prayer for the single ladies! I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years but, spent 3 years being single. My Dad couldn't wait until I settled down but, they were some of the best years of my life! I really got to know ME for who I was & who I wanted to be! It doesn't mean there weren't rough times but, for the most part it was a great time!

    I'm a new follower & so far I love your blog! (Can't remember how I stumbled upon you though, just glad I did!)

    Shayna
    mykitchenhomelife.blogspot.com

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  18. I'm a young, Southern, single girl and this hit right at home!
    You're so right--in the South, everyone seems to get married and have kids young, so you feel like something's wrong with you if you don't.
    I'm not sure if I'm ready to settle down just yet, but I do long for the companionship.
    I've always wanted to kiss a random guy on New Year's, but I think I'm too chicken to ever do it.
    BTW, I LOVE those comebacks! I'll have to remember those next time.

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  19. Thank you so much for writing this post. As soon as I saw the title, I knew I had to read it! Granted, I'm only 17, but it still sucks to be alone. As you said, it's okay to be single with single friends, but all of my friends have boyfriends. I continue to watch them happy as ever celebrating the holidays while I am alone! This post really hit home for me and I thank you again:) I'll continue to pray that God just has the right guy waiting sometime in my future. Happy holidays!

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  20. Love this!! Being single during the holidays gets harder and harder every year. Since I've graduated college (with my 1st degree) I have been in 2 serious relationships that eventually ended. I have been single for longer than I can remember, yes, I've dated but nothing serious. I'm rather set on what I want and I know it will happen for me at some point. I need a little more patience though, this year coming up is a big one and I would like to not end it single!! I get asked A LOT if I am married and I just always say "not yet!" Thanks for the prayers!! Merry Christmas!!

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  21. hi. newest follower here. your "jesus was single...." comeback is absolutely hilarious. it made my day. i'm not single right now but i've been single MANY many holidays and valentines and sometimes it's just blah! but kissing a random guy at ny is totally a do!

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  22. I like the divorced one. Funny.

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  23. I love this post. I'm single for the holidays as I have been for most holidays. I'm at the point where I feel like I should be in a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage at some point, I mean hey im 25 years old. But I love being single, I love not having to call my husband to see if I can hang out with the girls or anything like that. Its a double edged sword I believe. Also men are way more hard to understand than woman!!!!

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  25. Ah, been there, done that. Those are some witty comebacks!

    Cxx

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  26. Thanks so much for this post! It's not only encouraging but also made me laugh. really appreciate it! :)

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  27. You just never know when you need to hear something encouraging! I love this!! I'm 22 and I get asked all the time when I'll find someone and settle down, but for now, I know it's not in Gods will for me to have someone. My day will come and it'll be all I ever dreamed it would be. Thank you for the uplifting encouraging post!!

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  28. Great post! I know all about "single" holidays. In the future, though, I'll be using some of your comebacks!

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  29. This is amazing and made me feel so much better!!! Thank you for posting this. All of us single girls appreciate it :)

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  30. Fantastic. Thanks so much Leslie. I got engaged two christmas's ago, but called off wedding. So Christmas since has been a tad tainted with that sad feeling of 'not quite all together'

    This post was so great. Thanks again girl for making me smile, and feel a tiny bit less alone! xoxo

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  31. Love this post even more than I love all the rest of your posts. I am 31 and still single. I am very happy and fulfilled as a single, but am reaching the point in life where I really want to be married and have babies. I know that God will send that special person in His timing and I just have to wait patiently. Thank you for the comebacks and even more the prayers.

    Michaelanne Fentem

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  32. Love. This.

    Every word is so true. And I love the come backs you have!!!

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  33. Leslie, you are amazing! This post made me cry and so encouraged me and my best friend.. we're both in our mid-twenties and still single, you're right- it can be fun, but also at this point it's a little hard sometimes. So encouraging to see you and your Mr. Right.. thanks for your sweet reminder!

    XO
    erin

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  34. just plain fantastic! thank you, from this single lady :)

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  35. I was literally texting PinkLouLou last night about how my mom and I were at dinner and she said "I don't want you to be alone forever." ummm!! Thanks Mom, I won't be!! Anyway, I woke up with a text from her telling me to read this post. I loved reading this because I don't mind being single and I'm waiting until I'm 100% ok with me before I start to date. (like you said) Agree with everything in this and you have such a sweet heart. Thanks so much for writing this!!

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  36. Lol every single thing about this!! Thanks xoxoxo
    Itty bitty whitty

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  37. What an amazing post, sweet Leslie. I wish I had been a blog reader a few years ago when I needed to hear what you say. I perosnally love the fact you have shared your dating ups/downs and we got to see you meet your PRINCE CHARMING!

    I think you give hope to all girls out there, that one day the prince will come and to make sure we are all HAPPY with who we are!

    Thanks for being so amazing!

    xoxo

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  38. thanks for this.

    and yes i will be using these comebacks this year. i'll let you know how they go.

    happy holidays!

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  39. I love this post so much.

    I remember going home for Christmas when I was right out of college, my (now) husband and I had been dating for all of a month so I was still considering myself to be single. I dated several guys in college but they were mostly jerks so I had been commitment free for years and very happy. A girl who I grew up with, about 4 years younger than me, asked why I wasn't married yet. This girl got married at 18 and didn't go to college (not that there is anything wrong with that...not my choice but to each her own) and had no clue how much fun she was missing by getting married so young. I hate that people expect girls to commit to a relationship so young before they are able to figure out who they are and find out what they want from life. Preach on sister.

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  40. From one of the single girls, I thank you! I've been single for about 5 years now, and a lot of times people ask why but imply that there's something wrong with ME. I refuse to believe that, I just haven't found my prince yet!

    Thanks again, this was very encouraging! xo

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  41. I really needed this post after my afternoon today. Thank you!

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  42. I was just thinking a few days ago how I didn't like the holiday's because I'm single, and I hate going home and seeing old classmates coupled up. Thank you for this post. I know God has a plan for me, but sometimes it's really hard to remember when another year passes with no boyfriend. Thank you again!

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  43. You're so precious. Thank you for writing this to all the girls who feel so lonely during this time of year. The awkwardness and the people who insist that someone is going to come around for you because you're so great doesn't help. It's just better if family and friends don't bring it up. Thank you again for having such a big heart!

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  44. Leslie, thank you SO much for this post!!! So much. You have no idea how much this is ME this year. I recently graduated and I'm sure I'll get those questions from pestering family about why I don't have a boyfriend. I'm gonna use the Jesus one because my family would love that comeback! hahaha.
    I hope you have an amazing Christmas as a newlywed!!!!!!!!!

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  45. Thanks Leslie! So true- It all helps to know that we singles are not alone. And in perfect timing, we will be spending Christmas morning with the 'one'. Merry Christmas to you!!!

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